Again and again, we never learn seem to learn lessons. Approaching everything in the world as an optimization problem isn’t the best approach and can make things worse. Sure, some out there looked at The Matrix and relished the thought of living their lives in a simulation while submerging in a viscous liquid with tubes attached to them. Fortunately, that’s not an option, well… yet anyway. That leaves us in the real world trying our best to turn it into a simulation, and optimizing away our human interactions is one of the best ways to do that.

Relationships are work, and work is friction. Therefore, reducing relationships reduces friction. Boom, Optimized! It seems silly when phrased this way, but this is the approach we are using to address countless human interactions with tech, and we may not even realize it. When consumed by how cool a particular technology is, we tend to take the Maslow’s Hammer approach, and everything, including human interactions, becomes a nail.

Outsourcing Simulated Emotional Connections

Back in March, I wrote about this issue in a post called Outsourcing Simulated Emotional Connections to Bots. I wanted to revisit this topic now that some time has passed and we’ve made even more progress, and predictably, things have gotten worse.

Take this little gem, for instance.

Far too many people don’t see an issue with this and may want to replicate it, but even a cursory look at the article and its subject has a noticeable cringe factor. Sure, a problem is defined in that post, and that problem is YOU. It’s not a technical problem. You are the one who isn’t making time for your mom. You are the one going about your days for long periods, not even thinking about your mom. This isn’t a tech problem; it’s a YOU problem. It should make you feel bad, and that feeling is an indicator that you need to make a change. It’s your brain’s way of keeping you in check.

But even employing the tech doesn’t solve the problem because… you still didn’t think about your mom. She didn’t need to occupy any space in your brain. You’ve optimized. But why stop here? Why not clone your voice and, at regular intervals, have someone call your mom using your voice and have a conversation with her so you don’t have to? What a utopia. Then you’d never be inconvenienced by your mom. Technologically speaking, we aren’t far from having something like this be completely automated, so you wouldn’t even need to hire someone to use your voice. You could forget about your mom entirely.

On top of this, it’s incredibly deceptive. You are using technology to fool your loved one into believing they are on your mind. There’s an ethical problem with employing tech as a deception when dealing with humans, especially when those humans are your loved ones. Think about your mom’s reaction if she knew you were doing this.

Approaching this as an optimization problem means when your mom passes away, things get better.

You only have a limited amount of time with your mother, and before you know it, she’ll be gone. Approaching this situation as an optimization problem means things get better when your mom passes away, but we know this isn’t true.

Introducing ThereBot!

Warning: Future Advertisement Below

Having kids is a hassle. You spend so much time going from event to event, sporting events, band recitals, plays, this list goes on and on. What if there was a way to do what you wanted without having to be bogged down by pesky activities and your child’s emotional well-being? Well, now you can!

ThereBot
Introducing ThereBot. ThereBot is an exciting new way for you to be there without having to be there! ThereBot uses an adaptive architecture to respond properly to your child’s activities. It’s quiet during recitals and cheers your child on during sporting events. If you decide to watch the event after the fact wink wink ThereBot has your back. Our cutting-edge algorithms cut out all the boring stuff, so you only get the highlights—hours of wasted time condensed into a few minutes. ThereBot pays for itself!

ThereBot+

But why stop there? ThereBot+ comes with an impressive array of upgrades, including a screen showing an image of you as though you are watching the game and the ability to clone and use your voice. This means you can shout, “Daddy loves you,” at any time like you were actually there. Here’s how to order!

Shame Isn’t An Effective Long-Term Control

In the short term, the thought of sending a robot instead of going yourself isn’t something many would do, not because they don’t want to, but because not only can your children observe your non-attendance, but others can also. So, the big catch in the short term is shame. We all know shame isn’t a long-term control. It starts by saying, “I’ll use it when I’m traveling and can’t attend,” or “I’m just too busy right now.” Plus, people can be shameless; the more shameless people there are around, the more that activity becomes normalized and contagious.

Dehumanizing Through Optimization

We are often distracted by how cool a particular new technology is and look to apply it to every use case we can. This is a sort of Shiny Object Syndrome applied to technology. We are more focused on what it does than what it does to us. This Maslow’s Hammer approach leads us to solutions in search of problems without understanding underlying issues. This gets far worse in social contexts.

The rise in self-centeredness and even narcissism is growing. Our modern, social media-driven world forces us into a cycle of constant self-promotion. I believe this pre-dates social media, though, and began with my generation raising children in the age of the self-esteem movement. A movement that many still exercise even though it’s been proven to be detrimental. For an entire exploration of this topic, I highly recommend Will Stor’s book Selfie: How We Became So Self-Obsessed and What It’s Doing to Us.

We already dehumanize others, treating them more like processes, checklists, or apps than other humans. This was something I mentioned in my previous post. We do this with everyone: shift workers, customer service representatives, Uber drivers, and even coworkers. Everyone seems to be an obstacle in getting what WE want. I’m certainly guilty of this myself, not considering the human on the other end of the phone or the person behind the counter when I’m having an issue.

We turn to technology in these cases to provide the optimization we need to reduce the friction of dealing with others. These others aren’t constrained to strangers and acquaintances. They are also friends and family.

These trends lead to a bunch of questions. Are humans evolving to be more self-centered? Will we stop caring about others in the future? Will we stop loving? I mean, what causes more friction than love? After all, love can make you feel worse than you’ve ever felt in your entire life. Will we stop even taking chances on love? Some people certainly have already. I don’t think this is a healthy trajectory.

Also, why even have friends? It seems like such a massive waste of time. You have to do things you don’t want to and potentially deal with problems other than your own. You’ve got your own problems to deal with. It’s one thing to think this, but saying it out loud is something else entirely. We are often confronted with our ridiculousness by saying things out loud. It’s something we should do far more often as a gut check.

There is more and more evidence that younger generations are forgoing friendship. One survey reported that 22% of Millennials say they have no friends at all. This isn’t constrained to Millennials. The numbers are down across multiple age groups, with people having fewer close friends with Gen Z even trying to spend money to make friends and, of course, turning to technology to solve their friendship woes. Social Media has certainly accelerated this by making things superficial and fake. And, of course, the global pandemic right in the middle of all of this pushing the accelerator to the floor.

Humans evolving into machines instead of machines into humans is something that doesn’t get enough attention.

Friction is Currency

Not all friction is bad. In some cases, the friction is the point of the task. But regarding human interactions, here’s a thought: friction is the currency that pays for fulfillment. Looking at a potential friendship and asking, “What’s in it for me?” is the wrong question with a wrong answer. Unfortunately, far too many people have this perspective. Even if you had incredibly selfish motives, you may not know what’s in a friendship until it bears fruit, which may not be evident until later.

Friction is the currency that pays for fulfillment.

Friendships are valuable simply by being. It’s hard to describe, kind of like love. It’s like the old trick question someone asks, “What do you love about me?” It’s not so easy to summarize. You just kind of know it, and you are better off for having it.

Coworkers

The workplace is where people justify classifying their coworkers as tasks or obstacles. This certainly isn’t new, but it’s an area that people love to talk about optimizing with tech. Even some chatbot demos speak about how great it would be if you didn’t have to be bothered by your inbox at work, but even your coworkers shouldn’t be treated like apps just because they may not be your friends. Relationship building at work is essential for many reasons, but in an age of diminishing jobs, relationship building may be the best way to save yourself when the cutbacks happen.

Collaboration itself appears inefficient because it’s just easier to do something yourself. But once again, friction is currency. Anyone who’s ever written music or been in a band knows how frustrating it can be to collaborate with other strong personalities. However, when you realize that the different perspectives elevate a song to a level it wouldn’t have achieved on its own, the insight is incredibly enlightening and makes you appreciate other’s input. This is the same at the workplace.

In relationships, like so many other activities, the friction is the point.

The Coming Chatbot Hangover

We haven’t yet hit the hangover stage. We are still at the bar, slurring our speech while we make the most insightful point in the history of human civilization, but it’s coming. I wrote about this in the Social Impacts section of my Post-Black Hat USA and DEF CON AI Thoughts post. We are about to enter an era of historical figures, celebrities, and persona-based chatbots, all to increase engagement on particular platforms. These systems will boast massive numbers after launch as people check it out, followed by a very steep drop-off as the novelty wears off and the superficial and fake nature of the interaction sets in.

At least when we play a video game, we realize that NPCs aren’t human. What we are doing is trying to say that the bot is a representation of a specific human, which it is not. Subconsciously, we know this, and after the initial euphoria wears off, reality sets in, and the whole concept seems cheap and manipulative. Remember, this is far different than an algorithm working behind the scenes. Bots are directly in front of people and interacting with them.

Conclusion

Removing the smoke detectors in your house is a great way not to hear the smoke detector go off every time you cook, but obviously, this isn’t solving the real problem.

We don’t realize we may be causing other effects and problems when we focus only on the technology and its cool factor. We may be fooled into thinking that friction is the problem when it may be the point or an indicator. Removing the smoke detectors in your house is a great way not to hear the smoke detector go off every time you cook, but obviously, this isn’t solving the real problem. Friction and discomfort in human interactions can be like a smoke detector, a leading indicator that something else needs to be addressed. So, call your mom today. I know I will.